As I write this, I am sitting in the Springfield-Branson airport, just north of Springfield, MO, and I am awaiting adventure.
I am heading to Berlin, Germany, where I will spend three whole days (in addition to two full traveling days) exploring another world. EF Tours, the company that is sending myself, another teacher, and 13 students to London and Paris this summer, is providing this training experience. I am supposed to travel, with little knowledge of what awaits me, and try to imagine my students as they do the same.
It’s not hard. It’s not hard at all.
I’m terrified. I’m also exhilarated and excited and I know enough about the human experience and language that those things are really, not very far apart.
As a writer, I thought it would be cathartic to post a few thoughts and experiences I have while abroad. I’m sure I’ll be busy, but this blog has laid quietly for a month and this is spring break after all. And maybe, if I go buy some headphones because I FORGOT MINE AT HOME (I know), then I might just write about some musicals as well, because I am most definitely seeing parallels.
All morning I’ve been singing this song from the Dear Evan Hansen cast album called “For Forever.” It’s about a high school student as he imagines a life different from the one he has been living. This song in particular serves to tell the audience how Evan, our main character, longs for human connection and is capable of imagining it, but maybe can’t yet achieve those connections on his own.
I love this song for a lot of reasons, but mostly I love this part of the lyric.
I feel like this sometimes–like there is so much in this world to see and yet, I’m scared. And I’m not sure there’s going to be someone there to catch me.
I would consider myself an independent person. I hold a steady teaching job; I make time for friends; I pay my bills. But I also call my mom once a day. And I can’t really get my clean laundry off of the floor in my apartment.
So traveling alone is something new. It’s just me. No one else to lean on or to ask for help. Just me until 8am Berlin time tomorrow morning, when I will be united with all the people who are on the teacher training tour and I will finally be able to use my voice and speak…to people!
I think, as I sit here humming this song and debating a headphone purchase, that I will be just fine. And I think that, really, it’s all about the little things–the things that make you afraid and the things that thrill you and the things that make you better. So here’s to those things.
Until next time…